Cheating or normal?

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Cheating or normal?

Postby CherryRed98 » Tue Mar 23, 2021 12:40 pm

Thanks everyone
Last edited by CherryRed98 on Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Cheating or normal?

Postby Nadia86 » Tue Mar 23, 2021 12:47 pm

He sounds like he is disconnected from the relationship and seriously be reconsidering my options as if he doesnt want to talk then whats left. leave and work on healing and rebuilding your confidence and finding yourself.
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Re: Cheating or normal?

Postby Allie88 » Tue Mar 23, 2021 12:51 pm

Sounds like its a slump, a big one. Change of environment is needed - something needs to change overall. Maybe even decor around the house some sort of project for you and him separately. I think there's more to this since its also covid times. If things were different id say go for a weekend away either solo or together, give each other space to unwind first followed by something to be done together to reconnect a holiday away, bury your feet in the sand sort of thing and let go of all the worlds worries.

Its easy to drift apart due to outside stressors having an effect like his, but maybe discuss it together, what would you both do separately and together to make it good for both of you. Thats first step, second step is then seeing if things improve and finding ways to reignite that s*x life.

Its easy to toss in the towel but it sounds like there's more to this "slump". I read some time ago a post from someone well into 40 years of marriage and they were pensioners and advice was first thing in the morning they asked each other "what can i do for you to make your day better".

Sometimes its the simple things that can make the day better for both of you, could it be for him that he just needs a hobby of his own and time given uninterrupted and vice versa. Then, is there something he could do for you to show you - that you matter and vice versa.
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Re: Cheating or normal?

Postby CherryRed98 » Tue Mar 23, 2021 1:31 pm

Thank you both.
Last edited by CherryRed98 on Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Cheating or normal?

Postby Namaga » Tue Mar 23, 2021 1:39 pm

CherryRed98 wrote:Thank you both.

I feel like I do want to separate and find myself. I am only 22.

I guess I should really give the back story as well

I have been with my husband for over a year. He um... talked to MANY women while we were together for the first ill say 9 months. I never knew any of this until after. My heart was shattered... it still is. I cry as I type this and he sleeps next to me. I confronted him about it. There were several times I found stuff on his phone I didn't like. I haven't found anything on his phone besides porn but I have no trust in him I cry everyday. I hate myself. I just want to disappear and wish I was enough and wish he loved me. I lost 40 pounds I'm smaller than ever!! And I still have ZERO confidence. I can't help but cry every single time i try an do my makeup... How do people cope with being with someone they love but the person not showing the same?

Allie.. I wake up and make sure he has packed lunch.. I always ask him if he's okay or needs anything. I pick up after him. But it's sad to see I'm not getting the same energy back from him. I feel like he's not ready to settle down. I get it were young. But I don't think of other guys. He's the only thing I want in this world and it's killing me slowly.

And I'm not sure why I'm still here asking for advice. I feel like I already know what I'm going to be told and I already know what I should do but I'm just not strong enough. Or I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy.

Maybe I do need to hear something so I can get my shit together because sometimes I just feel like i wanna, well you know... just end it all. All the suffering... it's not worth it.

I feel you dear, but please be strong and know that you deserve happiness and love aswell. If it is not working with your husband have a good talk with him, go for counselling.. if all is in vain you can move and possibly you'll find someone who will love you enough. Dont let it depress you to the point where you want to "end it all"
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Re: Cheating or normal?

Postby Allie88 » Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:03 pm

CherryRed98 wrote:Thank you both.

I feel like I do want to separate and find myself. I am only 22.

I guess I should really give the back story as well

I have been with my husband for over a year. He um... talked to MANY women while we were together for the first ill say 9 months. I never knew any of this until after. My heart was shattered... it still is. I cry as I type this and he sleeps next to me. I confronted him about it. There were several times I found stuff on his phone I didn't like. I haven't found anything on his phone besides porn but I have no trust in him I cry everyday. I hate myself. I just want to disappear and wish I was enough and wish he loved me. I lost 40 pounds I'm smaller than ever!! And I still have ZERO confidence. I can't help but cry every single time i try an do my makeup... How do people cope with being with someone they love but the person not showing the same?

Allie.. I wake up and make sure he has packed lunch.. I always ask him if he's okay or needs anything. I pick up after him. But it's sad to see I'm not getting the same energy back from him. I feel like he's not ready to settle down. I get it were young. But I don't think of other guys. He's the only thing I want in this world and it's killing me slowly.

And I'm not sure why I'm still here asking for advice. I feel like I already know what I'm going to be told and I already know what I should do but I'm just not strong enough. Or I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy.

Maybe I do need to hear something so I can get my shit together because sometimes I just feel like i wanna, well you know... just end it all. All the suffering... it's not worth it.


Thank you for giving a lot more context, it was hard to tell exactly what was going on. From that i can tell you now - girl screw him, youre only 22. LEAVE. This isnt working and you know it, it would be different if you were married and both in your 40's having a slump - but you're 22!!!!!

Grats on losing weight and getting healthier. Grats on finding courage to think about leaving - good news that inspite this marriage and him acting like this - is that you have your whole future ahead of you. So what that he aint willing to make this work. You know sometimes when you marry young things dont always work out, but think of this as just time that is now over with him, and spend time healing yourself and regaining your confidence, its a pity he aint willing but you cant force him either. So find a person who will love and cherish you for you.

This isn't a healthy sort of marriage where you give all and the other person just takes it all. It should go both ways giving and receiving both emotionally, psychologically and so on. You know im fairly sure you can stop making sure he has anything made for him at all, laundry, lunch - everything really. Stop pampering when he takes you for granted and gracefully take an exit on this relationship.

You deserve better at just 22.

You will have wonderful things but you have to get over this hurdle and find the one that will be your best friend...new adventure is around the corner, so go around the corner and find out whats there. And keep moving forward.
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