Divorce

Relationship with your partner

Divorce

Postby Flor » Fri Mar 12, 2021 1:17 am

Hi there!
Well me and my husband have been together for 4 and a half years.
And today, with all the pain in my heart I decided to break things up.
It’s a long story, we have been married for over a year now (I’’m 33)
We constantly argued, we never had s*x, I was always alone, he didn’t have a jov for almost 2 years now.. he never left the apartment.
Every day it was a different discussion and even though the apartment is mine I decided to leave several times to my parents’ house.
He never tried to stop me.. he prefered to “give me some time”... but this time was different... I said I wanted to separate because I didn’t feel we were going anywhere...
And just considering the idea of seeing him grab all his stuff killed me inside.
So I left.. of course he disn’t leave...
He just gave me “space” as I asked and hoping for once that he would do something to gain me back. Some gesture, it didn’t need to be big or anything but SOMETHING to show me that he accepted that he was depressed and that he was willing to change for better.
Soooo.. after a few messages I understoond that everything was gonna be just like always. Sitting and chatting and he trying to manipulate me.
So I gave him 2 days to leave my apartment so I could go back
I feel like shit. Of course Iove him! I mean I got married thinking “this is it”
And now I find myself in this horrible situation.. loving someone that is impossible to live with
And back to single at 33.
Flor
 
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Re: Divorce

Postby LadyVida » Fri Mar 12, 2021 1:23 am

Have some faith. Faith in your future happiness, hos future happiness, healthy life and loving environment. Once you have gained these things you never know what might happen. A blessing of him becoming a strong happy healthy man that wants to stand by you, or if that doesn't happen you can always be grateful for making yourself strong. Power of manifestation is a very strong thing. Sounds like you love him and truly want a bright future. Sometimes separation is the big awakening your other half needs to kick there num into gear. Sounds like you have tried to support his mental health/physical living, but your time of healing has come to an end. Time for him to heal himself. Time for you to nurture yourself. Have faith and you never know what might become. Good luck
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Re: Divorce

Postby Twiki » Fri Mar 12, 2021 8:59 am

I commend you for not putting up with it any longer. You are definitely not in the victim role! It's good that you took this step or else this situation would be indefinitely. You deserve someone who treats you right and who does want to commit to the relationship.
I got divorced at 40, it was painful but also such a big relief! You can do this! ❤️
Twiki
 
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Re: Divorce

Postby Allie88 » Fri Mar 12, 2021 9:06 am

I think you are putting yourself down unnecessarily. When marriage breaks up yes give yourself time to grieve to fully let go, heal and focus on you - but thats not the end. You can and will find love, sometimes is happens fast, sometimes takes some time - but you know what you do know now - is that this kind of a relationship is not it. And that alone is fine - now you know what you want and need - so go forward with those thoughts. Grieve the crap out of the loss and then when you are ready close the door and walk free.

Nothing is stopping you from doing things for you, nothing is stopping you from going back to dreaded dating scene because you never know - there might be that one whose also looking for all the things that you can offer. Some people find that one after a few dates, move in together and get married in a year because they click, their goals click, their life wants click, physically oh hell yeah they click and it just works.

So get out of the rabbit hole that somehow your life is over - its not, you're only 30. Dating in 30's is not like dating in teens, its with a goal and there are some good men out there that are in same boat thinking they will forever remain childless or single and it depresses the hell out of them. I know, i have them as friends. And there's nothing wrong with them, they got jobs, bought own apartments, have cars, they work too much because they are lonely, but they are looking for someone to spend life with.

You know, once the time with one person is over, is not the end, its just that this time together is over - but there will be new adventure around the corner. And you just need to be brave to let it in.
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Re: Divorce

Postby MixedCouple » Fri Mar 12, 2021 9:13 am

100% agree with above.
I was married for 2 years when I was 24 - horrendous marriage and i was pulling it along and was in denial. When I left and he actually knew it was real then came the begging and manipulation. My head was straight and carried on forward.
Yes the first 9 months sucked. I fell into depression and grieved barely left the house. Hated men. But around 12 months later startes to feel better and look after myself and enjoy my free time with friends and family. I have a great support network.
So I got over it and then felt stupid for grieving over a complete idiot and waste if life.

It took me 7 years to find the love of my life. We got married in less then 8 months and we are now 8 months married with a Baby on the way.

The point is - you will grieve it will suck - BUT you will move on and be happy you made that decision and you will meet the right person for you.
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Re: Divorce

Postby GloryS » Fri Mar 12, 2021 10:14 am

If your man is depressed it is an illness and you shouldn't blame him for not being able to lead normal life and for being passive. You also don't have to stay with him just because he is sick if you don't feel happy. It's your choice to leave and it is fine. You husband needs professional and most probably medical help to live.
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Re: Divorce

Postby Flor » Fri Mar 12, 2021 12:50 pm

Thank you all for the support
It’s unbelieveble how much it means to me that people that I dont know support me.

It’s fair to say that I didn’t tell the whole story cause it would last forever.
Regarding his “depression” I was there for him for over 2 years and made different siggestions to go to several doctors.. He did.. but still no changes and hot willing to change
It is very difficult to help someone who doesn’t believe he needs help
Flor
 
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Re: Divorce

Postby Flor » Mon Mar 22, 2021 5:30 pm

Well.. here is the new update
After leaving mi oun apartment for 2 weeks I was somehow expecting a reaction. All he did was to text me “hey there” every day.
No gesture, not a will to talk to me to try and make this work. So f**cking passive
So.. i said that we were almoust separated and that for once I expected him to make the first move. I was allways the one who started things, propposed thins, etc
And told him that the sadest part was that he dind’t even realize this.
His reaction was stupid. He ironically said that “of course he was the only one to blame on was where things on oir relationship. That it was all his fault”
I cleared my mind and understood I was triyng to make someone react for something that I veloeved was worth for... and that was it for me.
I asked him to move out and leave the key.
A week later I asked my brother to go and see if he was gone. He was fisically gone but his stuff was all over the place.
So i asked him again: please take all your things because I can’t be around all of your stuff. It’s too painfull.
A week later he asked me if he could go and fetch some shirts...
And i realized that It would take him months to be gone.
So I packed everything down and pit it in a room downstairs
When i said, ok you can go now and pick up all your stuff he was completly furious.
He couldn’t believe i had the guts to kick him out.
Believe me i’m sad as f**k
And still no news from him whatsoever
I got married because I loved him, I still do.
Bit I was leaving through hell it that marriage.
So, I had to put a stop.
I’ m still hoping he realizes all he had. And at least tru to talk to me, but nothing.
It’s really sad
Flor
 
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Re: Divorce

Postby GloryS » Mon Mar 22, 2021 6:58 pm

Honey, you lost nothing and he lost stability and love that you gave him. Read again your first post and breath out with relief. You did it. You are free. Time will heal your wounds and you'll meet someone amazing ❤
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Re: Divorce

Postby Flor » Mon Mar 22, 2021 8:55 pm

Thank you so much!
Sometime you lose perspective and we tend to remember all the good things instead of the reasons of why I decided to end things up.
So many feelings, like guilt and trying to convince myself it was the right decision.
But yes, I am free.
And at the end of the day, he did nothing to try to win me over.
I will have to go through this greef that totally sucks.
But hopefully at some point I will meet someone who really loves me
Flor
 
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