Would you consider this toxic?

Would you consider this toxic?

Postby Chocolateisthebest » Sat Feb 06, 2021 8:44 am

So i have had a lot of things that i wanted to try as hobbies and i recently got into figure skating and i really wanna try it. Yes ik how to skate and yes ik that if i bought the skates i will use them and actually like it cuz i love skating and being on ice in general.

So the real issue my parents aren’t allowing me to try it (i have a part time job that i plan to buy the skates with and the lessons if needed) and its not their first time not allowing me to do something like i wanted to do gymnastics at 10 and they told me i am too old and i wouldnt do good i got a violin (it was a gift) and i wanted to take a couple of lessons to get started and they instantly shut it down- i had a part time job back then too.

I am literally 17 and i cant spend a dollar of the money i work hard to earn on anything even a snack or a drink heck i cant go anywhere the only place i can go to is the mall that my dad works at.

Like they have done other things like once my mom almost threw a knife at me and another time she threw a glass figurine at me. I am done with this i even gave up on wanting to be a lawyer but still going with it because they want me to. I feel like my dream of being a lawyer is no longer even mine and all of this is driving me insane and I literally keep getting suicidal thoughts and i really dont know what to do now 😭
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby Chocolateisthebest » Sat Feb 06, 2021 8:52 am

They said it’s because i need money for next year uni but honestly i can make around 10k by sept if i pick up more shifts
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby ifoundmycookies » Sat Feb 06, 2021 12:16 pm

maybe ur parents want u to focus on ur studies to get a better job in the future. after uni u can do whatever u want alr. so have patience
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby Selenelion » Sat Feb 06, 2021 2:36 pm

I mean the throwing stuff is physical abuse, the other stuff isn't but It could be considered toxic, I don't really know your situation that well so I cant say for sure.
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby Chocolateisthebest » Sun Feb 07, 2021 6:52 am

I dont know either at this point because they are nice until i wanna do something that they dont tell me to do.

But random update they said that if i bought skate they will throw them out and that my money is pocket money and that i need to stop pressuring them by saying i can buy what i want with my money (actually it was all my mom) now me and her aren’t talking and my dad doesnt wanna talk to me either.

Also another random thing I usually bring donuts or snacks from work for them and today she said she would rather eat poison than eat anything that i bring.
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby ifoundmycookies » Sun Feb 07, 2021 7:16 am

You need to accept the fact that your parents will not let you buy. And you also need to change the way you think. Even though you have enough money to buy the skates with your own money, its still not a good mindset to have. Its not possible to have everything. You need to give and take. Every time my brother uses that to threaten my mom to let him buy something, my mom would scold him. She does that because she doesn’t want him to have that bad habit of thinking that you can buy anything. Although i don’t agree with your parents not letting you do something for you to relax, i also don’t agree with your mindset.
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby Chocolateisthebest » Sun Feb 07, 2021 10:38 am

Its not that i think i can buy anything its that I actually want to enjoy life since all i do is go to school and work ik i am too young to think that way but i cant even buy a shirt without them getting mad at me
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby Chocolateisthebest » Sun Feb 07, 2021 10:43 am

ifoundmycookies wrote:You need to accept the fact that your parents will not let you buy. And you also need to change the way you think. Even though you have enough money to buy the skates with your own money, its still not a good mindset to have. Its not possible to have everything. You need to give and take. Every time my brother uses that to threaten my mom to let him buy something, my mom would scold him. She does that because she doesn’t want him to have that bad habit of thinking that you can buy anything. Although i don’t agree with your parents not letting you do something for you to relax, i also don’t agree with your mindset.


And i really understand where you’re coming from but this really seems like controlling everytime i do something she doesnt like or suggest it she would say that it must be because of a dude or it must be because i wanna kill her.

It was the same when i joined band in school they both wanted me to quit it right away but ofc i didnt and continued and a lot of unis ask for school involvement and school activities and roles and stuff like that.

And my dad doesnt mind if i do it but he doesnt wanna help me convince mom i already gave him 2 weeks to do so and i am about to pick up a second job because they want me to so ik i can afford this cuz i am going to work at a tip giving job kind of deal
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby Someoneyou » Sun Feb 07, 2021 11:46 am

It is abusive and toxic. I know what you are going through. My mom is narcissistic, abusive and toxic. She screams, throws things and used to beat us when we were young (but that is unfortunately a cultural thing) . She doesn't let us do anything and desperately wants us to study medicine. When my sister didn't make it, she claimed that she became depressive. All she wants is to brag about it to her friends. Now I am lucky that I actually want to study medicine and I got accepted otherwise a new fit would have happened. She has these scenes where she starts screaming and crying and breaking things for 2 hours and it feels like I am living with a ticking time bomb. The only peace I get is at night or when she is not home. My dad is normal but it is my mom who sours my life.
Anyway the things that help me get through is my religion and the thought that some people have it worse and someday I will be gone. She is also the reason why I am so obsessed with growing up, because I want to leave. I am almost 18 but she still says we won't be allowed to leave till marriage. I just want you to know that you are not alone ❣
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Re: Would you consider this toxic?

Postby ifoundmycookies » Sun Feb 07, 2021 11:52 am

okayy sorry if i misunderstood you 😣 and now i kinda feel that your parents are WAY too controlling over you. you have to sit them down, and talk. communication is one of the best ways to resolve a conflict. whenever my parents do something i dont like, i tell them. whether they do anything about it is their own problem, but at least they know my pet peeves. so i suggest that you talk to them.
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