How do I move past the abuse?

Relationship with your partner

How do I move past the abuse?

Postby DiamondHeart88 » Thu Jun 07, 2018 8:02 am

Okay so this will be long, so I apologize in advance. I was in a very abusive relationship for 7 years. We broke up, for good, in September of last year. I broke things off. We broke up and made up so many times. However, the abuse was awful. About a year into the relationship, he became physically abusive. He would kick me, choke me, push me into things, slammed the door on my arm, the list goes on. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive. Calling me names like “worthless”, “stupid”, “bi*ch”, “cunt”, etc. He also raped me a couple of times. It was not aggressive, but I still would say no. Not to mention, the times I would have this gut feeling he was hiding something from me..only to find messages of him talking to other girls on his phone several different times. Him going away to the coast and meeting up with a coworker. That I had to find out on my own, after he lied about it.
I gave him one final chance in March of 2017. He had “changed”, and I missed him.
Side note: I have a lot of health problems, and I had a surgery in September of 2016. It led to a stay in ICU. We were broken up, but he was by my side everyday.
So I figured I would give him a chance. Needless to say, my love for him was no longer there, and I broke up with him.
I fell for my now bf of almost 9 months. He is the most amazing man I’ve ever dated. I met him at work. He works in a different department than I did. Once I transferred into that department, it was a matter of weeks before we started dating. Everything is still amazing. We’ve still never had a big fight, or rarely have disagreements. We don’t even argue. We’ve had little tiffs, and tiny arguments..but nothing compared to my previous relationship, or other relationships.

I’m just scared. I’m so terrified that he will get sick of me and find someone better. My ex would say things like, “Well, if you wont do this (sexual thing) I’m going to find a girl that will). I’m afraid that my bf will cheat on me. I’m afraid that I’m going to lose the only man that I have ever fallen so madly in love with. He completes me. We’ve talked about a future together. We know we want to be together forever. He even told me that he already knows how he’s going to propose to me.
I’m 27 almost 28, and he’s 25 almost 26. I’m ready to settle down, but I’m afraid that he will realize that he is still pretty young and will want to date around.
I just have all these fears everyday that I will lose him. I have an anxiety disorder, so I know these fears come from that, and my past relationships. I’ve been cheated on by almost every ex bf.
One thing to note is that he has a good friend that we work with. She works in a different department. I found out that last summer, before we ever started talking or anything, they talked about dating, but decided not to because they were too good of friends. They’ve been friends for 4 years, and used to hang out all the time. Once him and I started dating, they stopped hanging out as much. She had a boyfriend, dumped him for my bf’s roommate. But now her and my bf’s roommate are having problems, and are on the rocks. My fear there, is that they will one day decide to get together. I had always thought something had happened between them, so I asked, and that’s when my bf told me how they talked about dating last year.
I know I should just trust my bf, bc he hasn’t given me a reason not to. He has been amazing and wonderful. And I have a close guy friend that I had messed around with in high school, who I am still good friends with. I even had feelings for my friend last year, when my ex and I were on the rocks. So I have no room to say anything about my bf and his friend. She’s even become one of my friends. She even encouraged us getting together.
Sorry this is so long. I just need to know how to move past my trust issues. Because my ex’s always cheated with girls they were “friends” with.
DiamondHeart88
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:45 am

Re: How do I move past the abuse?

Postby Jan3030 » Fri Jun 08, 2018 2:36 am

It sounds like you really need a time by yourself to heal and overcome some things. All of your wounds and anxieties only magnifying inside a relationship. After enduring something so traumatic you need time to heal from it and seek therapy that way no matter what happens whether he wants to be with you or not you're still your best self
Jan3030
 
Posts: 249
Joined: Sat May 26, 2018 12:18 pm

Re: How do I move past the abuse?

Postby DiamondHeart88 » Fri Jun 08, 2018 3:30 am

I just couldn’t imagine not being with him. He’s everything I’ve ever looked for. I couldn’t ask for anyone else.
DiamondHeart88
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:45 am

Re: How do I move past the abuse?

Postby saipothermia » Fri Jun 08, 2018 6:01 am

DiamondHeart88 wrote:Okay so this will be long, so I apologize in advance. I was in a very abusive relationship for 7 years. We broke up, for good, in September of last year. I broke things off. We broke up and made up so many times. However, the abuse was awful. About a year into the relationship, he became physically abusive. He would kick me, choke me, push me into things, slammed the door on my arm, the list goes on. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive. Calling me names like “worthless”, “stupid”, “bi*ch”, “cunt”, etc. He also raped me a couple of times. It was not aggressive, but I still would say no. Not to mention, the times I would have this gut feeling he was hiding something from me..only to find messages of him talking to other girls on his phone several different times. Him going away to the coast and meeting up with a coworker. That I had to find out on my own, after he lied about it.
I gave him one final chance in March of 2017. He had “changed”, and I missed him.
Side note: I have a lot of health problems, and I had a surgery in September of 2016. It led to a stay in ICU. We were broken up, but he was by my side everyday.
So I figured I would give him a chance. Needless to say, my love for him was no longer there, and I broke up with him.
I fell for my now bf of almost 9 months. He is the most amazing man I’ve ever dated. I met him at work. He works in a different department than I did. Once I transferred into that department, it was a matter of weeks before we started dating. Everything is still amazing. We’ve still never had a big fight, or rarely have disagreements. We don’t even argue. We’ve had little tiffs, and tiny arguments..but nothing compared to my previous relationship, or other relationships.

I’m just scared. I’m so terrified that he will get sick of me and find someone better. My ex would say things like, “Well, if you wont do this (sexual thing) I’m going to find a girl that will). I’m afraid that my bf will cheat on me. I’m afraid that I’m going to lose the only man that I have ever fallen so madly in love with. He completes me. We’ve talked about a future together. We know we want to be together forever. He even told me that he already knows how he’s going to propose to me.
I’m 27 almost 28, and he’s 25 almost 26. I’m ready to settle down, but I’m afraid that he will realize that he is still pretty young and will want to date around.
I just have all these fears everyday that I will lose him. I have an anxiety disorder, so I know these fears come from that, and my past relationships. I’ve been cheated on by almost every ex bf.
One thing to note is that he has a good friend that we work with. She works in a different department. I found out that last summer, before we ever started talking or anything, they talked about dating, but decided not to because they were too good of friends. They’ve been friends for 4 years, and used to hang out all the time. Once him and I started dating, they stopped hanging out as much. She had a boyfriend, dumped him for my bf’s roommate. But now her and my bf’s roommate are having problems, and are on the rocks. My fear there, is that they will one day decide to get together. I had always thought something had happened between them, so I asked, and that’s when my bf told me how they talked about dating last year.
I know I should just trust my bf, bc he hasn’t given me a reason not to. He has been amazing and wonderful. And I have a close guy friend that I had messed around with in high school, who I am still good friends with. I even had feelings for my friend last year, when my ex and I were on the rocks. So I have no room to say anything about my bf and his friend. She’s even become one of my friends. She even encouraged us getting together.
Sorry this is so long. I just need to know how to move past my trust issues. Because my ex’s always cheated with girls they were “friends” with.


I understand what you're going through right now is really hard. But you should always look at the bright side. The reason why you were given a chance to have a brand new relationship with a new guy who is great and everything, is because you deserved better than what you've been through before. Just have your faith in him and always hang on to your love for each other.
Just remember NEVER to compare your current boyfriend to your other exes because hi is not them and they are not him. Just chill and trust and be happy and everything will be okay. Also, always pray and ask God for guidance and assistance and help in overcoming your trust issues and for Him to heal all your wounds. Lots of love. ❤️
saipothermia
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2018 3:58 am

Re: How do I move past the abuse?

Postby Ninini » Fri Jun 08, 2018 8:01 am

Sorry to hear you went through hell like this! You did a wonderful thing by breaking it off for good!
I believe you just need to give yourself a chance! And time to breathe! You are free and the only person you need is your wonderful self! Everything else is a bonus.

Maybe consider therapy? I believe after all the misery and pain you have been through it might give you some relief. The mind takes some time to heal and sometimes a little help is needed.

I am really happy for you that you have found the love of your life! Just relax and live happy! You more than deserve it. Extreme fear of future might interfere with your happiness and this is not a good thing - that’s why you need to learn that you don’t need anyone to be happy and complete.
With the right mindset everything else will fall into place.
Don’t be shy to go get some help for your mind from a therapist.

Good luck with your love and your life <3
Ninini
 
Posts: 469
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2017 1:49 pm

Re: How do I move past the abuse?

Postby DiamondHeart88 » Fri Jun 08, 2018 9:26 am

saipothermia wrote:
DiamondHeart88 wrote:Okay so this will be long, so I apologize in advance. I was in a very abusive relationship for 7 years. We broke up, for good, in September of last year. I broke things off. We broke up and made up so many times. However, the abuse was awful. About a year into the relationship, he became physically abusive. He would kick me, choke me, push me into things, slammed the door on my arm, the list goes on. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive. Calling me names like “worthless”, “stupid”, “bi*ch”, “cunt”, etc. He also raped me a couple of times. It was not aggressive, but I still would say no. Not to mention, the times I would have this gut feeling he was hiding something from me..only to find messages of him talking to other girls on his phone several different times. Him going away to the coast and meeting up with a coworker. That I had to find out on my own, after he lied about it.
I gave him one final chance in March of 2017. He had “changed”, and I missed him.
Side note: I have a lot of health problems, and I had a surgery in September of 2016. It led to a stay in ICU. We were broken up, but he was by my side everyday.
So I figured I would give him a chance. Needless to say, my love for him was no longer there, and I broke up with him.
I fell for my now bf of almost 9 months. He is the most amazing man I’ve ever dated. I met him at work. He works in a different department than I did. Once I transferred into that department, it was a matter of weeks before we started dating. Everything is still amazing. We’ve still never had a big fight, or rarely have disagreements. We don’t even argue. We’ve had little tiffs, and tiny arguments..but nothing compared to my previous relationship, or other relationships.

I’m just scared. I’m so terrified that he will get sick of me and find someone better. My ex would say things like, “Well, if you wont do this (sexual thing) I’m going to find a girl that will). I’m afraid that my bf will cheat on me. I’m afraid that I’m going to lose the only man that I have ever fallen so madly in love with. He completes me. We’ve talked about a future together. We know we want to be together forever. He even told me that he already knows how he’s going to propose to me.
I’m 27 almost 28, and he’s 25 almost 26. I’m ready to settle down, but I’m afraid that he will realize that he is still pretty young and will want to date around.
I just have all these fears everyday that I will lose him. I have an anxiety disorder, so I know these fears come from that, and my past relationships. I’ve been cheated on by almost every ex bf.
One thing to note is that he has a good friend that we work with. She works in a different department. I found out that last summer, before we ever started talking or anything, they talked about dating, but decided not to because they were too good of friends. They’ve been friends for 4 years, and used to hang out all the time. Once him and I started dating, they stopped hanging out as much. She had a boyfriend, dumped him for my bf’s roommate. But now her and my bf’s roommate are having problems, and are on the rocks. My fear there, is that they will one day decide to get together. I had always thought something had happened between them, so I asked, and that’s when my bf told me how they talked about dating last year.
I know I should just trust my bf, bc he hasn’t given me a reason not to. He has been amazing and wonderful. And I have a close guy friend that I had messed around with in high school, who I am still good friends with. I even had feelings for my friend last year, when my ex and I were on the rocks. So I have no room to say anything about my bf and his friend. She’s even become one of my friends. She even encouraged us getting together.
Sorry this is so long. I just need to know how to move past my trust issues. Because my ex’s always cheated with girls they were “friends” with.


I understand what you're going through right now is really hard. But you should always look at the bright side. The reason why you were given a chance to have a brand new relationship with a new guy who is great and everything, is because you deserved better than what you've been through before. Just have your faith in him and always hang on to your love for each other.
Just remember NEVER to compare your current boyfriend to your other exes because hi is not them and they are not him. Just chill and trust and be happy and everything will be okay. Also, always pray and ask God for guidance and assistance and help in overcoming your trust issues and for Him to heal all your wounds. Lots of love. ❤️


Thank you girl, I really appreciate it. You’re right. I’m just over thinking things. I need to rely on my faith more.
DiamondHeart88
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:45 am

Re: How do I move past the abuse?

Postby DiamondHeart88 » Fri Jun 08, 2018 9:28 am

Thank you Nini! I was in therapy, however I lost my insurance..due to my income being too high. Hiwever, I am in the process of getting it back. It definitely helps.
DiamondHeart88
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:45 am

Re: How do I move past the abuse?

Postby D096 » Mon Jul 02, 2018 10:47 am

Hun my heart is breaking for you. I spent 4 years in an abusive relationship both verbally and physically and it ended when he attempted to murder crushing my skull and split my toddlers head open. I can tell you, it’s not easy, it feels like it will never get better but it will, you need time. It’s been 2 years as of January and I still have to remind myself that it’s not me, I was not those things he said it wasn’t my fault, but those moments come much much less often. I am a relatively normal person two years later. The most you can do is remember he was a narcissist, you are not to blame and you are both those things he programmed you to believe
D096
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:11 pm

Re: How do I move past the abuse?

Postby Coco24 » Tue Jul 03, 2018 12:38 pm

Hello I know I’m late responding and I pray you see this, because nobody truly understands what it’s like to be in an abusive relationship unless they’ve been through it. And often times people pass judgement, and think it’s so easy to just move on because they really don’t understand what it does to you. I too was in an abusive relationship, physically, emotionally, mentally, verbally, all of the above. From manipulation to breaking my spirit down. But something kept me in that abusive relationship and It was because I thought I was in love.. He too was there by my side when I had surgery last year.. I got pregnant and had to quit my job and he paid all my bills and he always made sure I ate & those things were what he would use to manipulate me with.. but for months I didn’t tell anyone and before I knew it , it got really bad to the point I had a busy eye vessel, and he punched the wind out of me and that’s when I knew it was time for me to go before I ended up dead. He had moved in with me and basically broke up with me but still wanted to stay with me it was crazy. But needless to say! You can move past the abuse! I don’t think you’ll ever forget it but you have to forgive your ex and let go so that you can enjoy your life with the amazing new guy you’re with! You can’t allow fear to keep you from experiencing true love and happiness. Seeing as though I am now in a new relationship with an amazing guy as well I know that it’s possible. Now I must say in the beginning of our relationship my ex tried to come back ??‍♀️ & I wasn’t expecting him too so I ended up falling back in lust while still in a whole new relationship and all though I put my current boyfriend through a little stress because I entertained my ex text messages and phone calls for a while I realized that I had to let him go because he was going to continue manipulating and controlling me although I was in a whole new relationship! I don’t know what your beliefs are , and I’m not going to get religious! But you need to start praying daily and asking for strength to let go of all hurt ! & let go of all anxiety because you have power over that anxiety!! I pray right now in the name of Jesus that the spirit of fear be bound up off of you right now, that the spirit of anxiety be bound up off of you in the name of Jesus ! And I pray asking and believing that joy and peace will be loosed to you in Jesus name ! Because whatever we bind on earth God will bind in heaven and whatever we loose on earth God will loose in heaven! God’s grace is sufficient for us and his strength is made perfect in our weakness ! So I’m believing God is going to strengthen you and create a new mind in your heart! I pray that he gives you courage to forgive your ex and forgive yourself ! And allow your heart to open and receive this new genuine love! I rebuke any attack of the enemy on your life right now in the name of Jesus !! And I pray believing in Jesus name that you will start to feel new, and start to feel good about yourself in Jesus name ! This abuse will no longer control you and you will move past it in Jesus name !! There is nothing too hard for God, for man it may be impossible but with God nothing is impossible in Jesus name I pray amen!!! I know we don’t know each other but I’m telling you it’s possible this abuse will not control you and you will be happy !!! If you ever need someone to talk too I’m here ! Sometimes you need someone who understands and who been through similar or the same situation who won’t pass judgement but will encourage you and tell you that there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel ! I hope this helped you !!
Coco24
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2018 12:24 pm


Return to Adult Relationship

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Allie88 and 14 guests

cron