I am devastated

Relationship with your partner

I am devastated

Postby Gumdrop87 » Wed May 09, 2018 4:31 am

***Hi ladies!! PLEASE, if you feel like you need to reply and haven't read the whole conversation , move along!! Just throwing in your 2cents from the first post isn't helping anyone, in fact it's just kind of annoying. The OP is in hospital with her precious babies who needs prayers and good thoughts, not someone who thinks they know best just from the first post. If you want to comment , read everything and if you feel like you still want to comment, you're more than welcome. If you want to post something negative, ONCE AGAIN move along. It's not needed here, thank you!!****

I just left a 11yr relationship.( almost 2 months ago) We have 2 boys together(ages 8 and 5). I couldn't take the beatings anymore plus it really started affecting my boys. The abuse was so bad that in December 2016 I miscarried @ 7 weeks after falling while running from being punched. I was tempted to leave several times but he threatened to not contribute financially to our kids if I did. As I was not employed at the time, I couldn't take care of my kids without his help. So I stayed, took the abuse, secretly hoping he would change.Silly me, he is the only man I have been with so I still love him.
We live with my sister atm and I have a job now.
I went to the supermarket 2 days ago and collapsed. Got taken to the hospital. They did bloods and said that my blood count is extremely low, I am dehydrated and also pregnant.An ultrasound was done to confirm. I am 11 week with twins. ( don't have a regular period so I didn't suspect it). I am so stressed right now...I cannot take care of 4 children on my own. I'm not sure their father will change so I am uncertain if I want to get back with him so he will help financially. Not sure of my next step. I am too stressed to eat or sleep. Sorry for being so long. My sister is my only friend but she lost her husband to cancer few weeks ago so I don't want to bother her.I told my mom and she said I should have an abortion since I can't afford them. I cant bring myself to do that to my babies. I just cant bring myself to kill them. I cant stop crying.Thanks for listening and words of advice if possible.
***UPDATE*** Gumdrop has had her twins that are now roughly 3 months old. They are home with her and no longer in the NICU. Gumdrop has also left her abusive relationship. Her lovely sister and her sister's wonderful inlaws are a great support to her and her children at this time. Please take time to read her most recent updates. Every milestone is a great joy to all of us here, as well as to her family.
Gumdrop87
 
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Re: I am devastated

Postby MeGaN09ShOrTy » Wed May 09, 2018 4:44 am

You can always get help from your county and can go after him for child support. If you do not want to go down that road there is always adoption. You can get an open adoption and choice who takes your baby. You can do a close and you won't know they will just take them away. There is a lot of help for single moms. Stay strong
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Re: I am devastated

Postby Pfctpiemakersgirl » Wed May 09, 2018 5:30 am

Whatever you do you can't go back to him. Abuse escalates it doesn't go away and he will kill you one day. Also, why would you want him having parental influence on your children? Do you want your sons to grow up to be like him? You get a restraining order, file paperwork on the abuse and sue him for child support.
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Re: I am devastated

Postby flow123 » Wed May 09, 2018 5:32 am

Wow that is extremely sad and do not think about getting back with him he will never change ..things happen for a reason but 2 more babies are not gonna help u now try considering adoption for them they are families that will love to have kids but can't..just imagine when ur ex finds out etc if u think u will be financially stable go for it have them keep them and put child support on that bastard you didint do them by yourself ..I wish u the best of luck
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Re: I am devastated

Postby Ninini » Wed May 09, 2018 8:15 am

So sorry you are going through this! You are a wonderful curagous woman, to leave this piece of ** that does not deserve to be called a man!!! Please don’t go back.

Even though it might be shitty now, things can get better! There are good social benefits for kids. I guess depending where you live. Here in Europe you get child support for each child and the more children you have more support comes in from the government.
After the maternity leave (1-2y) or during you can find a job that pays better than your current.

Do not make rash decisions you might regret.
Try to calm down and weigh all the possibilities and options that are available.
As suggested, restraining order and suing for child support might help aswell.

Best of luck to you!!!
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Re: I am devastated

Postby ravencreek89 » Wed May 09, 2018 3:26 pm

I'm sorry that you got out of that abuse. I lost a friend that stayed in one. So please don't go back. But you will be just fine on taking care of those babies. You just took on alot of beating from a man and stayed so your kids can be taking care of. That right there is a strong woman. You were more worried about everyone else but you. So you can def handle having the twins and your going to do great!!!There is help for housing and food stamps. I would get as much help as possible and go after your husband for child support. I know your going through alot and so confused. But I promise...it will all come together when you have your twins. But also,lean on your sister. She probably needs that right know after losing her husband.
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Re: I am devastated

Postby Blueclouds » Thu May 10, 2018 5:43 am

Your story made me tear up, im so so so sorry that he put his hands on you. I dont know you but my heart feels so deeply for you and your circumstance.. you will get through this. You will get by without him, but if you go back to him youll only keep suffering. Ive been there before, its not somewhere i could ever imagine myself to be with kids. He will only keep hurting you and yes like one user commented he really will kill you. If he cared about you he would have never laid a finger on you so clearly you dont matter to the bastard. I know men like him, they will say theyre sorry but theyll shaft you straight back. You DESERVE BETTER. YOURE WORTH EVERYTHING AND MORE. Please for the sake of your children, believe in yourself and dont go bsck to him. You can and you will do this on your own!
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Re: I am devastated

Postby Gumdrop87 » Thu May 10, 2018 11:29 pm

Thanks everyone for your time and words of advice. I spoke to my kid's dad about the pregnancy.. He seems happy and begged me to come back home and he promises he will change and take care of all of us.. Not sure I believe him because he said that a million times before... We will stay with my sister for now until I decide what's our next step. I am 10 months away from completing my Masters.. Hope these babies behave lol so I can complete on schedule and get a better paying job.
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Re: I am devastated

Postby Zally333 » Mon May 14, 2018 11:56 pm

I'm so sorry for everything you go through I'm sorry to hear that story I hope things get better for you cuz you are a strong beautiful woman you can do anything what life throws at you you can make it through keep your head up high and things will get better sweetie bless your heart bless your soul you're blessed with those beautiful twins please take care of yourself if you are upset you need to talk to somebody or get things off your chest and here for you your story touched my heart
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Re: I am devastated- UPDATE

Postby Gumdrop87 » Thu May 24, 2018 4:53 pm

I am so scared right now. Currently 13w 5d. I started spotting about 2 days ago. My doctor told me isolated spotting in normal especially with multiples. This morning I started experiencing a lot pressure and some cramps. Got brought into the hospital and was told I have to do a procedure called a cervical cerclage sometime today or I might miscarry my babies due to an incompetent cervix. I can't do this. I am losing my mind. I feel so scared and alone. My sister has to stay with my 2 sons, so she was only able to drop my off. I called my mom looking for support she said this is God's way of telling me I should have gotten rid of them when I had the chance. I am starting to regret it. I messaged their dad and told him what is going on, He read the message and never even replied. I feel so stupid and alone. Thanks for listening
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