Just a thing...

Just a thing...

Postby Selenelion » Mon Apr 26, 2021 1:39 am

Y'all my state just introduced a bill that creates a public registry of all those convicted of child abuse. Kinda glad my mom wasn't convicted if anyone found out I would be in so much trouble, also I'd feel really guilty.
Selenelion
 
Posts: 4575
Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2020 6:22 pm
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow

Re: Just a thing...

Postby Leonalynx » Mon Apr 26, 2021 2:54 pm

Hey
I know it’s not really any of my business, but if she abuses you she should be the one feeling guilty not you.
Leonalynx
 
Posts: 111
Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2020 5:51 pm
Location: Somewhere sunny ☀️

Re: Just a thing...

Postby Selenelion » Mon Apr 26, 2021 2:56 pm

Thanks. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I can't help it.
Selenelion
 
Posts: 4575
Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2020 6:22 pm
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow

Re: Just a thing...

Postby Leonalynx » Mon Apr 26, 2021 5:13 pm

No problem. And I really think you should try and understand that it’s NOT your fault that your mum abuses you- I know parents have different ways of dealing with their child’s behaviour, but personally, I think parents should talk to their kid and not hit them or hurt them at all.
I hope you’re ok Selene x
Leonalynx
 
Posts: 111
Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2020 5:51 pm
Location: Somewhere sunny ☀️

Re: Just a thing...

Postby Wolves2018 » Mon Apr 26, 2021 5:21 pm

Those that have been abused or are being abused can not help it when they feel guilty about being abused. The abuser has broken the person in such a way that they believe that it is their fault even though they did nothing wrong.

I am 21 years old and haven’t been abused since I was a child. Till this day there are days where I think that it was my fault even though now I know that it wasn’t.
Wolves2018
 
Posts: 12445
Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2019 6:06 am
Location: USA

Re: Just a thing...

Postby Selenelion » Mon Apr 26, 2021 5:24 pm

thanks, I know deep down its not my fault but my family was really shitty when I indirectly reported it to cps. So that didn't help. My brother told me I was going to get what I deserve etc.

I'm doing okay. My mom doesn't hit me anymore. And she's less insulting but she still yells sometimes (I've been behaving lately so less reason to yell), I've still got open wounds though from all that happened though.
Selenelion
 
Posts: 4575
Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2020 6:22 pm
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow

Re: Just a thing...

Postby juni_bug » Mon Apr 26, 2021 5:26 pm

Wolves is absolutely right. I was emotionally abused by my mother’s side of the family. I was called sensitive and was told that there is something wrong with me for having anxiety and depression. it’s hard not to feel guilty and believe that it’s not my fault.
User avatar
juni_bug
 
Posts: 618
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2021 6:41 pm
Location: U.S.

Re: Just a thing...

Postby Selenelion » Mon Apr 26, 2021 5:26 pm

Wolves2018 wrote:Those that have been abused or are being abused can not help it when they feel guilty about being abused. The abuser has broken the person in such a way that they believe that it is their fault even though they did nothing wrong.

I am 21 years old and haven’t been abused since I was a child. Till this day there are days where I think that it was my fault even though now I know that it wasn’t.


It's still hard to think of my mom as a manipulater. But now I wonder like should I love her. If some girl came on here and said she loved her abusive ex and wants to get back together we'd all be like no! But I want that, I think I want something I'll never have.
Selenelion
 
Posts: 4575
Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2020 6:22 pm
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow

Re: Just a thing...

Postby Wolves2018 » Mon Apr 26, 2021 5:52 pm

You will always love your mother deep down inside you no matter what. She is the reason why you are in this world.

Because she is your mother will never fully get rid of her. When you move out and get away from her she will still be in your mind ever so often. You will still think about her. You will want to talk to her but then remember that you shouldn’t because that is for the best.

It’s okay to love your mother, but you will have to learn how to do that from a far.
Wolves2018
 
Posts: 12445
Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2019 6:06 am
Location: USA

Re: Just a thing...

Postby cacahuate86 » Mon Apr 26, 2021 6:16 pm

This is sort of related... in the long run. A friend of mine and I had a discussion recently about a law here in Austria, that children (once they're adults) are, under certain circumstances, obligated to become their parent's guardians if they are legally declared to not be able to take care of themselves anymore. That includes financial assistance. The state can literally make you pay for your parent's care.

The only way to get out of this is if you're either broke yourself OR if you can prove that you have been estranged (and I mean literally NO contact, not even a text message or email or asking a friend of your mom's how she's doing and who could make a statement in court. There needs to be zero interest im making any connection) for a significant amount of time (5 years at least).

Now, my friend and her mother have been that level of estranged for almost 20 years. So when a social worker contacted her that her mother had end stage liver cancer and refuses to go to state-paid hospice and doesn't let the nurses they send in etc and if she could take over the care at her mother's request, she of course said ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Since her mother couldn't produce any proof that they'd been in contact, that was it and she didn't have to pay for or do anything.

But she was abused by her mother throughout her entire childhood. And she called me sobbing, how she can't shake the feeling that she's somehow abandoning that woman, who's been nothing but a monster to her and has had zero interest in making amends since and whom she hasn't talked to or about in 20 years.
Intellectually, she understands that there is nothing to feel guilty of in this scenario... in fact, she should feel LUCKY that she hasn't caved and inquired about her mother or tried to make contact with her over the years or she'd now be stuck having to take care of her or at least pay for private care.

But Wolves is right. This feeling will never go away.
All you can do is make sure that you aren't stuck with her for the rest of her miserable life. Because ultimately, such people are leeches. They'll suck you dry of everything you've got... ever bit of love and patience and time and energy and money you have, they'll feel entitled to (regardless of whether it's the law or not.)
So, I'll say it again. If I were you, I'd pack my bags the day you graduate high school, leave that house for the college farthest away that'll have you and then NEVER come back. I know it's daunting, but you'll never be free if you don't show a little bravery and RUN!
Sapere aude
User avatar
cacahuate86
 
Posts: 6537
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2014 8:35 am

Next

Return to Relationship with Parents

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests