Am I the one in the wrong?

Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby Goth Girl » Tue Jan 26, 2021 9:34 pm

I want to change my middle name and my parents tell everyone to call me by it even though I hate it. No one can pronounce it, or spell it, and it means heaven (which isn’t awful except for the fact I’m atheist.)The name is Elisia, I want to change it because I don’t like it. My parents told me they would be hurt, offended, and never forgive me if I did. Yet they are letting my brother change his first name, no problem. I don’t know, am I the one in the wrong here for wanting to change it?
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby QueerDragon » Tue Jan 26, 2021 9:45 pm

No, I think that should be allowed, especially if they let your brother change his first name.
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby cacahuate86 » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:11 pm

Okay... first of all Elisia is a beautiful name!
Secondly, your parents should be more consistent on their rules.
Thirdly, sit them down, explain to them why you want to change your name and which name you want to change it to... why that other name is more meaningful and fitting to you than the one you got.
And lastly, if they don't agree to it, just wait until you're old enough and then change it anyway... they'll get over it eventually.


Now, personally I don't understand why you'd change your name. As I've already said, it's a beautiful name. But more than that, you've carried it your entire life. You've infused that name with your growth and personality and charisma and character... the name is you as much as you are it. When you choose a different name now... that name will have zero connection to how you became the young woman you are. I find that a little sad.

Look, I have a first name, a last name and three names in between. I wouldn't give my child any of names other than my last name. But that doesn't mean that they aren't part of who I am. I'd miss them if I just went and changed them... it'd be like getting rid of my past, amputating a part of my identity.
Maybe think about it some more. Your name isn't just about something that sounds pretty. It carries meaning and history. Treasure that!

And one more thing... do you know what the name Elisia means and where it comes from? I'm VERY surprised you don't absolutely love that name!
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby Goth Girl » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:20 pm

It is a pretty name I’ll admit, but the whole reason they chose that name is because it means “heaven”. My whole life they have forced their beliefs on me, I’ve never had a choice. They make people call me Elisia instead of my first name even though I’ve told them I like my first name better. To me it’s just a reminder that they control me and that I have no choice, I can’t be myself, I just want to be me. Not be forced to be what someone else wants me to. They’ve told me that the reason they don’t want me to change it is because they came up with it together. It’s not even about me it’s about them and their relationship. Why can’t I chose to be who I want to be? Why must I always be whatever they want?
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby cacahuate86 » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:26 pm

Actually, it doesn't mean heaven. In Greek mythology it's the 'Realm of the Dead'. There is no 'heaven' in Greek mythology.
Last edited by cacahuate86 on Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby Goth Girl » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:28 pm

Yeah I’ve looked it up but they say that, realm of the dead just means heaven. I don’t know, maybe that’s just what they took it to mean.
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby cacahuate86 » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:33 pm

No, it doesn't. There is no 'heaven' in Greek mythology. There is only Olympus - the realm of the gods, Earth - the realm of the living, and Elysium (the Elysian Fields) - the realm of the dead... ruled by Hades, the god of the underworld.
Your parents did bad research if they think they named you 'heaven' 🤷‍♀️
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby Goth Girl » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:38 pm

That makes me feel better about it. I like that part, but it doesn’t change my other reasons. I mean my dad told me he would hate me if I changed my name. So I have to make the decision whether to keep a name I don’t want or change it and have my father hate me. I feel like this isn’t a fair decision for anyone to have to make. Obviously, I have to chose to live with the name. The fact that I’m being forced to just makes me dislike it more though.
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby cacahuate86 » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:45 pm

Again, since it's your name, it already carries everything you are. It's entirely you! You just have to take ownership of it.
If people call you Elisia, you know 2 things... that they call you by a kickass name with kickass etymology, and that on top of its already awesome origins it's made even more amazing by being your name.
Who gives a flying flip what your parents' motives were? They clearly know nothing! Take the name and run with it!
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Re: Am I the one in the wrong?

Postby Goth Girl » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:50 pm

I’ll try. I mean it’s just a middle name anyway. When I’m old enough if I still hate it I can just ask people to call me by my first name. Plus I know what it actually means now and they still think it means heaven. That’s kind of funny. So anyway, thank you, this really helped me.
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