Financially not match..?

Relationship with your partner

Financially not match..?

Postby Gloria16 » Mon May 10, 2021 2:09 pm

I have a boyfriend whom i love dearly. I'm 22 and he's 23, we been dating since i was 18 and he's my first boyfriend. We have never ever fight since the start of our relationship. We were actually students when we first dated. he's trying really really hard to make money now. The thing is my side of family is richer than his by a lot. He's actually well-off kind of family but his family business can't be inherited. So, the thing is we don't call or interact on daily basis and when i called him last time to talk about our family business's profits and the problems with business rivals and he seems off and said he's busy and hang up. we used to talk about these while we were students to improve together in business aspect but lately, i think i am causing him stress. I never wanted to make him very stressful and i keep thinking "am i the problem in his life" or "am i the mistake he made" becuz he would have been lived an easy life if he never dated me. Should i just break up for the sake of future?
P.S english isn't my native language so plz forgive me if this includes mistakes.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Kamalama » Mon May 10, 2021 4:18 pm

Money is never a basis for any good relationship, love is and how good people are inside... One piece of advice I've had in life is never ever fall out over money and it's so true. Maybe if you want to sort things out speak to him and agree to stop the money talk.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Namaga » Mon May 10, 2021 7:53 pm

Kamalama wrote:Money is never a basis for any good relationship, love is and how good people are inside... One piece of advice I've had in life is never ever fall out over money and it's so true. Maybe if you want to sort things out speak to him and agree to stop the money talk.

Exactly this👌
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Allie88 » Tue May 11, 2021 10:04 am

Yeah but like...whatever your family has - isn't even yours, you didn't earn it - YOUR FAMILY DID, so what? you will be waiting for family handouts when you need it - come on, grow up. Build your own career, get your own income. Have your own savings and then dare say whose got what. If i was him and my gf only gave a f**k about how much i got in my pocket at only 23yo...i'd look for someone else.

There's more to relationships and life that how much from whom etc. If you think otherwise, set him free, he doesn't deserve it.

Finally, in regards what you actually asked him, damn girl have you gone insane??

First of all why, why and why would you call him to talk about his family's business, profits, rivals?? Have you any brains or is it just for show? Those 3 things he cant even disclose as if he was a normal employee he would be sacked for it for one. Secondly, thats the information privy to HIS family, you got zero business asking that shit, you ain't even his wife, nor are you a stakeholder or an invester. Thirdly, what did you hope to gain asking that? Pass on the info to your family so you could poach their clients? Drive their business down? What was the motivation? Have a careful long thing about all that, cause to me sounds like either you or your family are trying to exploit this relationship for insider information./ Look that term up "insider information" maybe then you will also understand the gravity of what you were asking him, and also how that would make someone feel on the receiving end of those questions.

Also, financially matching at 22 and 23? Girl you both still essentially in diapers. You wanna financially match with someone - get a job, build a career and come back to that statement in 15-20 years.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Namaga » Tue May 11, 2021 10:45 am

Allie88 wrote:Yeah but like...whatever your family has - isn't even yours, you didn't earn it - YOUR FAMILY DID, so what? you will be waiting for family handouts when you need it - come on, grow up. Build your own career, get your own income. Have your own savings and then dare say whose got what. If i was him and my gf only gave a f**k about how much i got in my pocket at only 23yo...i'd look for someone else.

There's more to relationships and life that how much from whom etc. If you think otherwise, set him free, he doesn't deserve it.

Finally, in regards what you actually asked him, damn girl have you gone insane??

First of all why, why and why would you call him to talk about his family's business, profits, rivals?? Have you any brains or is it just for show? Those 3 things he cant even disclose as if he was a normal employee he would be sacked for it for one. Secondly, thats the information privy to HIS family, you got zero business asking that shit, you ain't even his wife, nor are you a stakeholder or an invester. Thirdly, what did you hope to gain asking that? Pass on the info to your family so you could poach their clients? Drive their business down? What was the motivation? Have a careful long thing about all that, cause to me sounds like either you or your family are trying to exploit this relationship for insider information./ Look that term up "insider information" maybe then you will also understand the gravity of what you were asking him, and also how that would make someone feel on the receiving end of those questions.

Also, financially matching at 22 and 23? Girl you both still essentially in diapers. You wanna financially match with someone - get a job, build a career and come back to that statement in 15-20 years.

Hitting the nail on the head 🥳
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Kamalama » Tue May 11, 2021 12:26 pm

Allie88 wrote:Yeah but like...whatever your family has - isn't even yours, you didn't earn it - YOUR FAMILY DID, so what? you will be waiting for family handouts when you need it - come on, grow up. Build your own career, get your own income. Have your own savings and then dare say whose got what. If i was him and my gf only gave a f**k about how much i got in my pocket at only 23yo...i'd look for someone else.

There's more to relationships and life that how much from whom etc. If you think otherwise, set him free, he doesn't deserve it.

Finally, in regards what you actually asked him, damn girl have you gone insane??

First of all why, why and why would you call him to talk about his family's business, profits, rivals?? Have you any brains or is it just for show? Those 3 things he cant even disclose as if he was a normal employee he would be sacked for it for one. Secondly, thats the information privy to HIS family, you got zero business asking that shit, you ain't even his wife, nor are you a stakeholder or an invester. Thirdly, what did you hope to gain asking that? Pass on the info to your family so you could poach their clients? Drive their business down? What was the motivation? Have a careful long thing about all that, cause to me sounds like either you or your family are trying to exploit this relationship for insider information./ Look that term up "insider information" maybe then you will also understand the gravity of what you were asking him, and also how that would make someone feel on the receiving end of those questions.

Also, financially matching at 22 and 23? Girl you both still essentially in diapers. You wanna financially match with someone - get a job, build a career and come back to that statement in 15-20 years.


Also what I thought but tried to be a bit more delicate 🤣🤣
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Allie88 » Tue May 11, 2021 12:36 pm

Delicacy flies out the window when someone clearly needs a wake-up call. A serious one. When i first read it it almost came across like shes dating him because his background is kind of decently well enough but then again she would prefer a sugar daddy material as well. Not to mention, it came across she thinks very highly of herself despite being just a kid in a family of people who actually worked their butts off to be "well" off. Shes given him zero credit for working, doing stuff in life - instead kind of got the looking down attitude that "oh poor him, me being better must be so tough and stressful" sorta attitude because her family is soo much richer by a lot. The f*** like. Sorry for my language.

If that is something thats of #1 importance - go find yourself a douche bag in your special elite social circle. Better yet, arrange marriage via your parents business partners. Granted likely they will be 20-30 years older than you and looking for exactly that - a piece of young a*s on their arm. And they will then definitely either match or outmatch your family's financial standing like you want.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Kamalama » Tue May 11, 2021 1:56 pm

Allie88 wrote:Delicacy flies out the window when someone clearly needs a wake-up call. A serious one. When i first read it it almost came across like shes dating him because his background is kind of decently well enough but then again she would prefer a sugar daddy material as well. Not to mention, it came across she thinks very highly of herself despite being just a kid in a family of people who actually worked their butts off to be "well" off. Shes given him zero credit for working, doing stuff in life - instead kind of got the looking down attitude that "oh poor him, me being better must be so tough and stressful" sorta attitude because her family is soo much richer by a lot. The f*** like. Sorry for my language.

If that is something thats of #1 importance - go find yourself a douche bag in your special elite social circle. Better yet, arrange marriage via your parents business partners. Granted likely they will be 20-30 years older than you and looking for exactly that - a piece of young a*s on their arm. And they will then definitely either match or outmatch your family's financial standing like you want.

Agreed it did come across as very bratty and made for uncomfortable reading...I detect lack of maturity and intelligence and not the words of someone who is in love.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Gloria16 » Tue May 11, 2021 3:44 pm

Allie88 wrote:Yeah but like...whatever your family has - isn't even yours, you didn't earn it - YOUR FAMILY DID, so what? you will be waiting for family handouts when you need it - come on, grow up. Build your own career, get your own income. Have your own savings and then dare say whose got what. If i was him and my gf only gave a f**k about how much i got in my pocket at only 23yo...i'd look for someone else.

There's more to relationships and life that how much from whom etc. If you think otherwise, set him free, he doesn't deserve it.

Finally, in regards what you actually asked him, damn girl have you gone insane??

First of all why, why and why would you call him to talk about his family's business, profits, rivals?? Have you any brains or is it just for show? Those 3 things he cant even disclose as if he was a normal employee he would be sacked for it for one. Secondly, thats the information privy to HIS family, you got zero business asking that shit, you ain't even his wife, nor are you a stakeholder or an invester. Thirdly, what did you hope to gain asking that? Pass on the info to your family so you could poach their clients? Drive their business down? What was the motivation? Have a careful long thing about all that, cause to me sounds like either you or your family are trying to exploit this relationship for insider information./ Look that term up "insider information" maybe then you will also understand the gravity of what you were asking him, and also how that would make someone feel on the receiving end of those questions.

Also, financially matching at 22 and 23? Girl you both still essentially in diapers. You wanna financially match with someone - get a job, build a career and come back to that statement in 15-20 years.

I'm actually really really sad that the purpose of my post went in the wrong way.
Firstly, i never ever thought of my family money is mine. i don't even ask for money from my family. But it is also true that i can't move away from my family.
Secondly, my boyfriend is the one who first asked me to share about the business rival problems/profits becuz he wants to learn/observe from my dad secretly. As I'm from strict asian household, it is to be expected that i can't tell my parents that i'm dating someone unless he's ready to marry.
Thirdy, i have never ever discriminate him. i am the one who always pay for dates and patrol and i'm not feeling the least bit unhappy. i also gave him back the ring he got me for my birthday to sell it and use when things happen.
Finally, the reason i wrote this post is becuz although i always told him money doesn't matter, he always work so hard and said he needs to impress my dad to marry me. And it made me think that i'm the reason of his stress. "SHOULD I LET GO OF HIM" that's the main point of my confusion.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Allie88 » Tue May 11, 2021 4:46 pm

Nothing to feel bad about - its a forum ofc we wont know and draw conclusions from how things are said and the minimal information there.

However with more information that you gave us - its clear that obviously theres better intentions at play than one can only assume based on original post.

Still, its very hard to give actual business advice without truly knowing exact pain points, limitations, financial situation, market and ofc having strong hold of stakeholder to actually make a difference. Based on all those factors, if he truly wants to learn how to run more successful business - he should be asking for advice from successful entrepreneurs/ consultants - not you. Asking for advice on what your family's business would do - is useless from my point of view since your family's business situation, decision making and all that would be very different so any advice would almost be null and void and simply inapplicable. All else literally could be pulled from internet in terms of generic advice.

Why would you give him your gift back?? To me thats worse than anything, even if things are tough, its something he picked out for YOU for YOUR birthday. Thats not only an insult but pretty much telling him he wont be good enough.
See, its things like you always paying and that - as you said; you know you dont have to pay for dates to make them meaningful, im getting more lost in trying to understand the thought pattern here.

On a final note, i get that theres cultural barrier here - but when two people truly care about one another enough to just make the world move - they will do it without anyones approval, they will find a way to be together with or without your dads or anyone elses approval.

So why are you having thoughts like letting him go? Whats bringing them forward? Is it the guilt that hes trying too hard? Is it something like maybe you dont feel as strongly as he does? What is it? Have a think about it, why youre feeling the way you do and how come youre drawing those conclusions.
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