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RE: Adult relationships

PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2021 4:27 pm
by Wambui mbugua
I have been in a relationship for five years and we share a 4yr old daughter. We aren't married yet neither has he proposed.currently we have been having issues and I took a break cause he accused me of cheating with my friend. I didn't. Hr said some pretty hurtful things and I've been unable to come to terms with the words said although he apologized, it still made me feel so worthless and I questioned the love he swears he has for me.
I am afraid to go back and when it comes to being intimate it just feels empty sometimes and I feel filthy later.... He called me a whore BTW. How can one forgive and carry on or rather come to terms?

Re: RE: Adult relationships

PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2021 6:47 pm
by Allie88
For one that take time and obviously you would need him to make some sort of amends. I dont think forgiveness should be granted or given easily when you dont feel right about it. Have you thought about whether you actually want to remain in the relationship and make it work or was this pretty much the last straw?

Re: RE: Adult relationships

PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2021 6:49 pm
by Kamalama
That's a tough one, we do all say things in the heat of the moment when we are angry that we don't mean. But being called a whore isn't easy to forgive. If he's making false accusations he's either cheating himself (seen this before) or has serious self esteem issues either way it's a problem. If being with him makes you feel filthy it's difficult to get that back. Don't stay with someone just for the sake of your daughter, do whats right for you and your daughter will be ok because she has you. He has hurt you and makesure he knows it..nobody can make your mind up for you unfortunately.

Re: RE: Adult relationships

PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2021 9:27 pm
by Wambui mbugua
Allie88 wrote:For one that take time and obviously you would need him to make some sort of amends. I dont think forgiveness should be granted or given easily when you dont feel right about it. Have you thought about whether you actually want to remain in the relationship and make it work or was this pretty much the last straw?




I don't know where I am at currently but eight now I feel the strongest urge to walk away ...I am still too young to waste my life waiting on somebody to act right.

Re: RE: Adult relationships

PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2021 10:12 pm
by Kamalama
If that's the urge you have then listen to your gut, it's probably good that you're in that mindset instead on being someone who accepts this type of behaviour and treatment. Thing is staying with someone who speaks to you like that and acts that way is saying its ok. It's like how many chances do you give someone..Go with your gut I say...

Re: RE: Adult relationships

PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2021 10:40 pm
by Allie88
Give yourself time, but never silence your gut feeling. If you do feel you need more closure so there arent any regrets after clear cut decision, you can hear him out and you guys can have a long hard conversation - and if during it you just feel that this is it and you've had enough. Go with your gut. Everyone deserves a second chance, but and this is a big BUT, it was not ok and would never be okay to be treated this way by anybody. So if you do chose to give a second chance you would need to draw a hard line of whats not ok.

I doubt that this is the only issue you guys had in the relationship, he seems to be seriously lacking trust - and how is one meant to trust someone, when they aren't trusted by their partner and had jealous accusations tossed at them on such a vile and disrespectful manner. At the very least, more thinking should be done on this subject and what you would want to do. And at the end of the day, your child should never ever think or even witness that it is ok for a mom to be treated like this by a man. That's is a dangerous game and passing on a very unhealthy cycle on how relationships should not be.

Lastly, if you feel filthy after having s*x with this person - maybe its a big sign you no longer feel the same for them and its really over?

Re: RE: Adult relationships

PostPosted: Sun May 09, 2021 10:56 am
by Kamalama
Good answer Allie I'm with you there.