Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-friend?

Relationship with your partner

Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-friend?

Postby FlowerPower95 » Sat May 15, 2021 5:32 am

Hi everyone, writing about this on here because I need honest opinions. I have been dating this guy for 4 months now and everything is going great, my best relationship yet! He has this friend group that he’s been friends with since summer of 2019. Everyone in the friend group is friendly and welcoming, but there is this one girl who is just quiet around me. I first met her at a New Years Eve (2020 going into 2021) party and we didn’t talk at all until she was drunk. She was being super friendly and even mentioned how my boyfriend had never had a gf in the time that they have been friends (my bf was single for 2-3 years before me) but that she was glad it was me. We got along great that night. I saw her again like a month later, we went to eat as a group and then went to a friend’s house afterwards. She didn’t talk to me the whole time, didn’t even acknowledge me when me and my bf got to the restaurant. That made me feel really awkward. Later that night at our friend’s house, she isolates herself and goes to sit on the floor away from everyone. Me and my bf just cuddled on the couch and watched a few friends sing karaoke. A few months go by and my bf invites her and our good friend, Bryce, to breakfast. However, Bryce couldn’t make it so she ended up third wheeling. We picked her up and went to go eat. While at the restaurant it was really awkward because she was hardly making any conversation and if she did, she only made conversation with my boyfriend. I tried making conversation with her but she was really closed off. A few weeks go by and we hear from another friend that she hasn’t been wanting to hang out with me and my bf because we make her feel uncomfortable and like a third wheel because we were speaking Spanish at one point. That bothered me a little because I’m like okay?! Sorry we’re bilingual?!? Anyway, am I wrong to feel some type of way towards this girl?! We have done no harm to each other at all, the thing that bothers me is that I get along great with everyone in the friend group except her because she acts cold towards me and like she doesn’t want to get to know me. I remember when my boyfriend first mentioned her, he told me how they used to hang out a lot (just the two of them) when everyone else was busy to the point where their group of friends started to ask if they were “talking” or dating since they were the only single ones & he made it very clear that they were nothing but friends. I understand that not everyone will like me but I just feel like if their friendship means anything, she would try to get to know me since I’m always around. Me and my bf go everywhere together and he shows me off and reassures his love for me all the time so I don’t feel insecure at all. I even checked messages between them and they barely even text anymore. Again, am I crazy to feel some type of way about her? Like when they mention her, I feel annoyed. Another thought that has crossed my mind is what if she doesn’t like me or maybe she liked him and never said anything? Maybe she feels some type of way about me because “I took her best friend”? Maybe I’m just overthinking the situation?
FlowerPower95
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 15, 2021 5:12 am

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby Kamalama » Sat May 15, 2021 8:20 am

She will be jealous by the sounds of it I've been here and it's not nice. I'm going to be brutally honest here I felt all the things you have described...and was told I was being paranoid as soon as me and my ex split he moved in with this girl, I'm not saying your situation is the same but you should trust your gut. They could easily just be friends and she is jealous but there is nothing there on his side. it's not a nice situation I would just try and distance myself from here and don't let her actions upset you. And I agree speaking another language while someone else is sat there is quite rude.
Kamalama
 
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2021 11:11 am

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby G_bb_90 » Sat May 15, 2021 8:48 am

Kamalama wrote:She will be jealous by the sounds of it I've been here and it's not nice. I'm going to be brutally honest here I felt all the things you have described...and was told I was being paranoid as soon as me and my ex split he moved in with this girl, I'm not saying your situation is the same but you should trust your gut. They could easily just be friends and she is jealous but there is nothing there on his side. it's not a nice situation I would just try and distance myself from here and don't let her actions upset you. And I agree speaking another language while someone else is sat there is quite rude.


Same, she doesn't want to be my friend because she wants him... But he didn't. My case he left her for me
G_bb_90
 
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:58 pm

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby andreeamrgi » Sat May 15, 2021 9:54 am

2 years ago I post something veeeery similar here. I didnt knew if it was in my head or not. Same story, she wouldn't talk with me but only with my bf. In the end they cheated on me lol. I dont say this is what will happen to u, my ex was a bad person, but the reason she doesn't talk with u probably is because she is very insecure around you. You said your bf is understanding so If i were you I would talk with my bf about how she makes me feel and I will try to both stay away from her. Shes up to no good
andreeamrgi
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2016 5:13 pm

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby Roxysmom45 » Sat May 15, 2021 10:29 am

The girl is jealous! Try to distance yourself from her more. Seems she's upset you "took her best friend" ...she needs to get over whatever kind of "hang up" and let him be.
Roxysmom45
 
Posts: 915
Joined: Wed Apr 10, 2019 12:11 am

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby Allie88 » Sat May 15, 2021 10:44 am

This isn't jealousy unless she had feelings for him.

She sounds like an awkward kind of person that can't figure out where she stands. If shes a type that finds it easier to get along with males, essentially she had a best friend she did everything with whose now in a relationship and she doesn't want to be an obstacle or make it weird by being a girl best friend so shes making and blowing this entire situation to be far more uncomfortable than it should be.

Oftentimes when guy and girl are best friends and aren't in slightest into one another, they kinda draw the benefit of the opposite s*x support system without extra and when one DOES get a gf or a bf, they no longer need that because they get it from their bf/ gf - and the other is naturally left out. Now couple that with her trying not to make things awkward by making it way more awkward instead and him now completely neglecting his "best friend"... I kinda feel sorry for the girl.

Honestly, you can do two things, act as you normally do, and eventually she will get over the confusion of feeling left out. Or, you can try getting to know her, clearly alcohol makes her speak.
She doesn't sound like a malicious type of person, but she sounds very awkward - especially after getting drunk and blabbing, it almost sounds like she may have been embarrassed and thats building up more awkwardness. Also, could be wrong but ask your bf if there was anything in the past or if shes got a habit of pushing people away first as self preservation instinct - cause thats how awkward she sounds. As if saying "well screw them all anyway who wants to be their friend anyhow" - taking exit first so she isn't the one thats friend dumped.
User avatar
Allie88
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:45 am

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby FlowerPower95 » Sat May 15, 2021 10:01 pm

Allie88 wrote:This isn't jealousy unless she had feelings for him.

She sounds like an awkward kind of person that can't figure out where she stands. If shes a type that finds it easier to get along with males, essentially she had a best friend she did everything with whose now in a relationship and she doesn't want to be an obstacle or make it weird by being a girl best friend so shes making and blowing this entire situation to be far more uncomfortable than it should be.

Oftentimes when guy and girl are best friends and aren't in slightest into one another, they kinda draw the benefit of the opposite s*x support system without extra and when one DOES get a gf or a bf, they no longer need that because they get it from their bf/ gf - and the other is naturally left out. Now couple that with her trying not to make things awkward by making it way more awkward instead and him now completely neglecting his "best friend"... I kinda feel sorry for the girl.

Honestly, you can do two things, act as you normally do, and eventually she will get over the confusion of feeling left out. Or, you can try getting to know her, clearly alcohol makes her speak.
She doesn't sound like a malicious type of person, but she sounds very awkward - especially after getting drunk and blabbing, it almost sounds like she may have been embarrassed and thats building up more awkwardness. Also, could be wrong but ask your bf if there was anything in the past or if shes got a habit of pushing people away first as self preservation instinct - cause thats how awkward she sounds. As if saying "well screw them all anyway who wants to be their friend anyhow" - taking exit first so she isn't the one thats friend dumped.


Thanks for your reply, he has mentioned that she’s really awkward and that she always tends to leave early when they have get togethers so I know she’s really awkward in general. But she does make it feel weird when around each other. Reading your post and your point of view really gave me a sense of peace!
FlowerPower95
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 15, 2021 5:12 am

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby FlowerPower95 » Sat May 15, 2021 10:07 pm

Kamalama wrote:She will be jealous by the sounds of it I've been here and it's not nice. I'm going to be brutally honest here I felt all the things you have described...and was told I was being paranoid as soon as me and my ex split he moved in with this girl, I'm not saying your situation is the same but you should trust your gut. They could easily just be friends and she is jealous but there is nothing there on his side. it's not a nice situation I would just try and distance myself from here and don't let her actions upset you. And I agree speaking another language while someone else is sat there is quite rude.

Thanks for your reply...yeah we have kept our distance from her for a while now. The times we have been around her, she’s kept her distance too. I think you’re right how I shouldn’t let her actions upset me. I’m thinking maybe she feels weird seeing one of her best friends (my boyfriend), who she’s used to being single with, all of a sudden in love and all over me. Which I don’t blame her, I’ve had friends who I’ve been single with and we’d do everything together and it stopped when they got into relationships but I have personally never made their SO feel weird. But I do understand everyone is different!
FlowerPower95
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 15, 2021 5:12 am

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby FlowerPower95 » Sat May 15, 2021 10:08 pm

Thank you all for your reply!! Made me feel less crazy about the situation in general!
FlowerPower95
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 15, 2021 5:12 am

Re: Am I wrong to feel some type of way about his girl-frien

Postby Allie88 » Sun May 16, 2021 5:02 pm

FlowerPower95 wrote:
Allie88 wrote:This isn't jealousy unless she had feelings for him.

She sounds like an awkward kind of person that can't figure out where she stands. If shes a type that finds it easier to get along with males, essentially she had a best friend she did everything with whose now in a relationship and she doesn't want to be an obstacle or make it weird by being a girl best friend so shes making and blowing this entire situation to be far more uncomfortable than it should be.

Oftentimes when guy and girl are best friends and aren't in slightest into one another, they kinda draw the benefit of the opposite s*x support system without extra and when one DOES get a gf or a bf, they no longer need that because they get it from their bf/ gf - and the other is naturally left out. Now couple that with her trying not to make things awkward by making it way more awkward instead and him now completely neglecting his "best friend"... I kinda feel sorry for the girl.

Honestly, you can do two things, act as you normally do, and eventually she will get over the confusion of feeling left out. Or, you can try getting to know her, clearly alcohol makes her speak.
She doesn't sound like a malicious type of person, but she sounds very awkward - especially after getting drunk and blabbing, it almost sounds like she may have been embarrassed and thats building up more awkwardness. Also, could be wrong but ask your bf if there was anything in the past or if shes got a habit of pushing people away first as self preservation instinct - cause thats how awkward she sounds. As if saying "well screw them all anyway who wants to be their friend anyhow" - taking exit first so she isn't the one thats friend dumped.


Thanks for your reply, he has mentioned that she’s really awkward and that she always tends to leave early when they have get togethers so I know she’s really awkward in general. But she does make it feel weird when around each other. Reading your post and your point of view really gave me a sense of peace!

Just remember, whatever issues shes got - they are her issues and for her to cope and deal with. There's no onus on you to fix anything, to pat her on the back or anything of the sort nor should you feel bad bout her or even in general. If its easier to just kind of let that situation fizzle out - then do so, just dont let it bother you. Either way being awkward also goes hand in hand with being immature, so you can just do the mature thing, be polite, be straightforward when needs be, be cordial - but thats it. You dont owe nothing to either your bf or his friend. Not everyone is going to like you - she did say she was glad it was you and however awkward shes acting - im sure that was honest and from good parts of hers lol. So just take that and do your own thing. Just because these are his friends, doesnt mean you have to put them on a pedestal of any kind or that you always have to hang out with them as well.
User avatar
Allie88
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:45 am


Return to Adult Relationship

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests