Financially not match..?

Relationship with your partner

Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Gloria16 » Tue May 11, 2021 6:10 pm

About the ring.., he asked for it becuz he needed the funds which i gave without second thought. And YES i am feeling hella guilty towards him becuz he is working too hard that we don't even chat/call everyday. The guilt started way back when i asked him jokingly "if you Never dated me, where would you be" he said "i definitely won't be working hard like now " and laugh. i already talk to hiim about these and he just shrug it like no big deal to work hard enough to ill. I'm the one who's literally doing nothing but cheering so i am feeling really guilty and it adds up daily and i'm asking anonymously about should i let him go. I literally don't have friends so i was hoping my confusion would somehow lessen. It just hard seeing him trying while i could do nothing since i can't even go out cuz of strict parents. It feels like he's doing too much and i'm doing too little.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Allie88 » Tue May 11, 2021 6:30 pm

Then another question, whats stopping you from furthering your education, getting a job and building a career so you also could easily stand on your own two feet at any point in time?
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Namaga » Tue May 11, 2021 8:59 pm

Gloria16 wrote:About the ring.., he asked for it becuz he needed the funds which i gave without second thought. And YES i am feeling hella guilty towards him becuz he is working too hard that we don't even chat/call everyday. The guilt started way back when i asked him jokingly "if you Never dated me, where would you be" he said "i definitely won't be working hard like now " and laugh. i already talk to hiim about these and he just shrug it like no big deal to work hard enough to ill. I'm the one who's literally doing nothing but cheering so i am feeling really guilty and it adds up daily and i'm asking anonymously about should i let him go. I literally don't have friends so i was hoping my confusion would somehow lessen. It just hard seeing him trying while i could do nothing since i can't even go out cuz of strict parents. It feels like he's doing too much and i'm doing too little.

Girl I don't see a reason to complain here, if he was not working hard enough for both of you wud have complained as well... my question will be, what do you want exactly?? May just tell him your fears but getting out of a relationship just because the guy is working hard to me isn't a valid reason
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Gloria16 » Wed May 12, 2021 4:15 am

Allie88 wrote:Then another question, whats stopping you from furthering your education, getting a job and building a career so you also could easily stand on your own two feet at any point in time?

The political situation of my country right now is extremely terrible. terrible enough to shot people who went out after 10 pm. After the covid, the military coup happened. My family is very protective so... I haven't be able to go out for months now. My family don't have much people just my parents, my sis and i. Only marriage will allow me move out. I'm sure that if i keep dating him, he will have to try hard for years like this... My mind is split in half. 50% saying i should let him go so that he would be much comfortable. 50% is selfishly clinging to him.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Kamalama » Wed May 12, 2021 7:33 am

This is getting even more confusing that I now don't understand what you're even asking? You have spoken about your family being richer than his and he's working hard to prove himself, is that not a good thing for you? Personally I don't think the money thing matters but I understand in some cultures it seems to matter. Maybe he is under pressure to make money to impress because he wants to be with you. I honestly don't think any of us can give you the answer you need. There seems to be so many constraints on your relationship with parents, money, economical and environmental factors...however as someone previously mentioned if you truly want to be together you'll find a way.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Allie88 » Wed May 12, 2021 8:18 am

Actually, this is slowly starting to make sense, it sounds more and more that you feel guilty that you cannot match his commitment to you and you are getting scared and feel guilty and want to escape - so; do you love him or are you In love with him?

Theres a huge difference between both. Also, if you are In love, are you in love with him or the fact that someone is in love with you. It might seem like a weird question but it happens far more often than not no matter where you are, how old you are and so on.

To me it sounds like you need to sit down and carefully sift through your feelings without bullshitting yourself - getting everything clearly out on a piece of paper. What your worries are - are they legit or are they nonsense; what your feelings are - are they real or not really. How do you feel when you are with him, how do you feel when you are apart, are you running away or pushing away because you cant see him and just not getting attention, that sort of stuff. Put it all down and have a long think about what relationships mean to you, what you yourself do to show commitment in a relationship and what you want from your partner - this one or otherwise. Then have a look at that list and think whether its reasonable.
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Gloria16 » Wed May 12, 2021 11:59 am

You really hit the spot. Let me be very honest. I'm indifferent to attachment. It's all about duty and obligation of a daughter/sister/girlfriend. Your advice.. i will seriously follow it. I think I'm running away from the amount of commitment to me by making excuses. I convinced myself that i love my family and bf becuz they love me and returning the feeling is the way it should be. You are the first one that pointed out this. My confusions are slowly disappearing one by one. The reason why i didn't feel sad but feel relieved when giving my ring back, why i don't feel happy when my family give things to me but giving things back make me feel better. i think i might be subconsciously convincing myself that i feel very attach to them and the amount of commitment from him caused me confusion/guilt. Thank you very very much for this. You really help me feel a lot better, a lot lighter. I really can't thank you enough..
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Re: Financially not match..?

Postby Allie88 » Wed May 12, 2021 12:08 pm

Then its simple, you're not ready for this relationship nor how serious its getting. You needed a fling - now its getting serious and you dont want that at least right now. And thats ok you just have to realise you cant keep stringing others along.
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