I can't get over my late sister's memory

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I can't get over my late sister's memory

Postby Emjay88 » Sat May 15, 2021 8:12 pm

My sister was murdered by her cop boyfriend on the 09th Feb this year. It's been 3 months since we buried her but I can't get over her memory. I miss her on a daily basis especially at night when am supposed to go and sleep. I somehow felt as if we failed my sister because we kept accepting the same boyfriend who abused my sister into the family cycle.

I miss my sister wish I could ask her what really happened that fateful night. Seeing her lifeless body on the scene in cold blood really disturbed me mentally. The boyfriend committed suicide so there's no way we'll ever get answers/ closure. What should I do to ensure that I don't over think about her death?
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Re: I can't get over my late sister's memory

Postby Allie88 » Sat May 15, 2021 8:19 pm

Its a horrible thing to go though, sorry this has happened and its such a pity her life was taken in such a way. You can spend your entire lives on should've, could've, would've but shes gone and it wont change anything. Its only been few month, its too soon to think about how to overcome or not to overthink. Just let yourself and same for your family - grieve. Allow yourselves remember the funny times, how she was, laugh about the silly bits and if it makes you cry - let it out. All you can do is just let the grief go through its motions. But do try celebrate her life, keep remembering those times you had the silliest moments, and her quirks, her bests.

Maybe plant her favourite tree, or her favourite flowers, maybe read her favourite book or do something that wouldve been her thing to help you along with the process. And if youre not ready for any of that - that is also ok. Park it for another month, another year, do what feels right for you. And if all those things still not it - do try trauma counseling because this isnt only a loss, its a traumatic loss with such sad unfortunate circumstances...

Grieving doesnt go from worst to better - point a to b over time. Its kind of like a cycle, some days youre ok - because youre not thinking of it, other days youre a total mess and you cant cope, its a set of motions, from numb, to mess, to coping somewhat. And there will be days later on when you feel it as intense as you did in the beginning - thats grief. It never will go away completely. It just becomes a bit less frequent overtime.
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Re: I can't get over my late sister's memory

Postby Caligirl89 » Sun May 16, 2021 3:56 am

I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I lost my father to cancer almost 5 years ago. I always miss him. What has helped me is therapy. I had some therapists who were helpful. One told me to write a letter to him. I want to go back to grief counseling as I know they can help with how to deal with losing my dad.
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Re: I can't get over my late sister's memory

Postby Kamalama » Sun May 16, 2021 4:47 pm

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's still really early in the grieving process for you. I lost a friend last year in a tragedy too and when they say time heals it's true. you don't forget you just learn to move on and live with it. Someone suggested to me to take Dr Bach Star of Bethlehem which is a natural floral remedy for trauma and grief and it really helped I was sceptical but had nothing to lose...needed the repetitive thoughts to stop. Have you tried grief counseling? Just keep talking it over if you can it's better to get it out, than keep it in.
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