Just a little rant

Teen health

Just a little rant

Postby Chocolateisthebest » Tue May 04, 2021 6:24 am

Hi, idc if you respond but i need to rant. English is my second language so this wont be perfect and i am mentally confused so chances are this will be messy

I feel like i am drowning but i also feel like i should sleep and never wake up. However i dont wanna die but i wanna give up and just hide because nothing is going my way this year is not going my way i am losing hope in getting accepted into uni and if i dont then imma just be the disappointment of the family my parents will be disappointed and they will probs keep telling me that i should have done better that i should have studied better but everytime i am not distracted by something fun i want to drown i want to sleep i dont want to breath i want a break lots of these feelings.

For the past 2 days i have been getting beaten in my dreams by one of my elementary school bullies and what bothers me the most is that i am always happy that i got beat? In the dream and when i wake up like idk what that means fully but it makes me want to drown even more nothing is in my control and i wanna just give up but i also dont wanna give up because i will then be more depressed.

I originally planned to unalive myself if i dont get accepted bcuz i thought i got nothing else to do kinda still think this way but i dont want to cause anyone i love pain so i am holding on i mean maybe i will get accepted righttt? Probs not but there is always that spark of hope and its killing me i want it to disappear cuz then i wont get crushed by my expectations.

Just a lil rant ig since i am the type of person who keeps everything to myself i rather not be put in a pity position that arabic pride is really not good for me. Hopefully tonight i wont dream of being beaten again cuz its confusing as f**k now goodnight hopefully i dont wake up for a long time ♥️ (Not death dw lol)
Last edited by Chocolateisthebest on Thu May 06, 2021 7:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Chocolateisthebest
 
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 4:24 am

Re: Just a little rant about where i am mentally

Postby Chocolateisthebest » Tue May 04, 2021 12:21 pm

Update no one asked for i didnt get that dream yesterday but i had a child with someone who hated me and was with the bullies in elementary school 🧍🏻‍♀️
Chocolateisthebest
 
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 4:24 am


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