Rant

Teen health

Rant

Postby QueerDragon » Mon Mar 15, 2021 4:33 pm

It's really difficult for me to share what's going on with me unless I'm struggling, and then I finally break down and tell someone. And I've started struggling.

Before y'all start reading, you need to know something that I've shared with a few people and don't really want to tell everyone, but you need to know it to make sense of the beginning. My dad cheated on my mom recently, and has cheated on her multiple times before. That's why we can't really be in the same room without awkwardness anymore. We got through it last time though, so this time we're (hopefully) going to be ok and nothing too bad will happen. Especially with the support of my friends on the forum.

The Dinners:

The awkward dinners have gotten worse, save for one or two times. My mom is always ticked off, and keeps giving my dad these looks. Like "I'm annoyed with you" looks. Or "Why are you playing dumb" looks, because he's started asking questions about how to do the most basic things, with the excuse of that he's always working and doesn't want to break the rules on accident.

My mom also has this tell. When she's angry, annoyed, upset, or anything like that she will bounce her leg up and down. And she does that almost every day now, when before she only did it once in a while. What sucks the most is that I'm not supposed to know, so I can't talk about anything. So it just feels like this never ending cycle, and I don't really know what to do about it. I've tried asking her what's wrong, but she just waves me off (because she doesn't want to worry me, she's said. If only she knew...).

And my dad just looks uncomfortable the entire time. He's stopped participating in conversation and just sits there sort of ignoring my mom, avoiding her gaze and just eating dinner and leaving. I've started doing the same thing, because its just too much to handle to just sit here feeling uncomfortable and not talking like before. And my sister keeps trying to save us by talking incessantly to start conversation, and I don't like that she feels the need to do this for us. Like, is it that obvious? That's a rhetorical question, it probably is.

Other than that, things with my family have been alright. My siblings are being as annoying as always, but that's fine. It honestly gives me a sense of normalcy.

My Fake Friendship:

With my "friend", she's becoming more and more selfish, quite honestly. Like a conversation between the two of us goes like this now:

Her: Good morning, how are you?

Me: I'm *insert feeling here*, you?

Her: *inserts feeling here*.

And then all she talks about after she tells me how she's doing is herself. She'll start blabbing on and on about this thing that's going on at school (that I don't understand because I don't go to school, but I try to for her sake), this other thing that's on Discord, or another thing about YouTube videos and things like that.

But she never, not once, stops to ask me what I'm doing, what I like to do for fun, nor do we ever talk about how I'm doing more than the beginning of the day. And its draining to only listen to her talk and talk and talk all the time, and never get a chance to talk back and say what's going on with me. I just don't know what to do.

She also disrespects my boundaries. Like she keeps asking me to come back to school even though I said no multiple times, because I like homeschooling. She keeps asking me to compose music (because she likes composing) even though I told her I'm not interested. And she won't stop attempting to make me obsessed with these YouTubers. She keeps trying to, as my mom told me, make me her puppy or her mini-me, by getting me to do and like everything she does and likes. And I don't really know what to do to get her to stop it, because I'm my own person and she doesn't seem to respect that.

Something that's not helping is that I have problems with leaving visibly toxic people. I feel this need to be loyal to them, even though I really shouldn't. I know the truth internally, but I still can't seem to leave them.

I've also started eating less and less. My parents (more so my dad than anyone else) have noticed and told me to eat more, but I just don't want to. I've also started skipping meals. Like I'll eat something for breakfast (an apple or orange, something like that), then I'll either skip lunch or eat only a sandwich (but I've started skipping lunch more often than I eat it), and taking less food for dinner to avoid everything. I don't know if this is partly because of my weight (which has always been a problem with me, not because of a medical issue but because of how I view myself), because of the stress of everything that's going on, or both.

So now my life sort of revolves around going on the forum, getting an education, coding (as an escape, but that's starting to become really stressful as well), and just trying to stay close to my family and "friend", even though they are breaking apart or ignoring me. I honestly keep burying these feelings, and just saying that I'm doing great or even amazing to my family so they don't worry about me. I tell my "friend" my true feelings (like it even matters, she obviously doesn't care), and I tell y'all the same thing. The only people who actually care how I'm feeling and who actually talk with me about it or just is there for me are y'all, especially Goth.

I don't think I'm doing so good anymore, and I really need help. Since this was really long, and some (or most) of y'all didn't read the entire thing, this is basically what I need help with:

1. Dealing with awkward dinners.

2. Trying to help my parents (though I have a feeling I can't do this).

3. Comforting my sister, since I don't want her to feel like she has to handle this alone, without telling her exactly what's going on.

4. Fixing my fake friendship.

OR

5. Leaving visibly toxic people.

6. My eating habits.

7. Improving my life overall.

Thank you to all that read this far and to anyone who gives suggestions, I really appreciate it. Y'all are amazing 💖
Last edited by QueerDragon on Thu May 06, 2021 2:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Please Help

Postby Goth Girl » Mon Mar 15, 2021 4:43 pm

With your parents and “friend” there isn’t much you can do. They have to sort it out for themselves. And your “friend” probably won’t even take the time to try and fix your relationship based on what you’ve said of her. With your sister I would just try to tell her that it’s not on her to fix the awkwardness and she doesn’t have to try so hard, it’s ok. And with the eating habits, just try to eat a little more every time and it should help. You should really eat normally no matter how awkward it is. (I’m such a hypocrite for that last one...)
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Re: Please Help

Postby Pandasarecute » Mon Mar 15, 2021 4:46 pm

I'm very sorry Queer. I'm here if you ever want too talk. I might not be there right away because I have to do school work but I read the forum every day.
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Re: Please Help

Postby QueerDragon » Mon Mar 15, 2021 4:52 pm

Thank you very much for the advice, Goth. I really appreciate it.

And thank you for being here, Pandas.
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Re: Please Help

Postby Pandasarecute » Mon Mar 15, 2021 4:53 pm

What you could do about your "friend" is ignore them until they acknowledge that you are ignoring them and they ask why and then you can tell them why. If they stop then good. If they continue to do what they did they just stop talking to them.
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Re: Please Help

Postby Radio_Girl » Mon Mar 15, 2021 4:56 pm

1. Dealing with awkward dinners. You can try talking mainly to your sister and if you hold a decent conversation, maybe your parents will be more willing to jump into the conversation. Look up some basic conversation-starters or ask your family about their day.

2. Trying to help my parents (though I have a feeling I can't do this). You're right, there's not much you can do, but do your best to help around the house (without stressing yourself out) to take some pressure off your parents.

3. Comforting my sister, since I don't want her to feel like she has to handle this alone, without telling her exactly what's going on. You may just need to remind her how much she's loved. Like you, she's probably feeling pretty awkward and neglected. I'm sure she'd love it if you spent some time with her or do some "sisterly bonding" type activities so she knows she can always talk to you.

4. Fixing my fake friendship. I know you said she doesn't like serious conversations, but you've gotta let her know how you're feeling. I know it's gonna be awkward, but if you really want this friendship to last, there needs to be a change. If she's still being self-absorbed give her the ultimatum and see where that leads.

I hope this all helps!
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Re: Please Help

Postby QueerDragon » Mon Mar 15, 2021 5:02 pm

Thank y'all so much!! I'll try to work on implementing these. Thank you again 😊
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Re: Please Help

Postby Radio_Girl » Mon Mar 15, 2021 5:07 pm

Of course, let us know how it goes! (Good or bad :)
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Re: Please Help

Postby Vekava » Tue Mar 16, 2021 11:03 pm

Is your sister younger than you? As to your parents, it's not your job to fix their relationship, also you need to know that you and your sister didn't do anything wrong, do never blame yourself for that! Sometimes kids tend to feel like they did something wrong and they need to fix their parents, but that's never the case. It's their relationship and only them need to fix it! If your sister is younger maybe you could talk to her and explain it to her?

As for your friend, you said you have difficult time sharing, if I understand correctly? I was the same. Always waiting for someone to ask me how I am, and even then I would just say something short. Now there's catch, people usually prefer to talk about themselves, so if you just say " I'm x,y,z" and you stop sharing, people would think that maybe you don't want to talk about it, or that you shared what you wanted to share. So, as my therapist tough me, and it can be counterintuitive, you just need to talk! Even when she doesn't ask you, just talk. And only if after you tryed to share more she still doesn't start to ask more questions, then maybe it's time to drop her as a friend. I hope you got what I'm trying to explain here, I'm very tired.

And regarding food, it's ok, you are stressed so it's normal not to have an appetite, but as long as you have at least something. I had moments when I didn't have food for days, except coffee. So, a sandwich and a fruit for breakfast is good! But be aware if you start to loose weight.

And just go one day at the time. It will get better, I promise!
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Re: Please Help

Postby QueerDragon » Tue Mar 16, 2021 11:25 pm

Vekava wrote:Is your sister younger than you? As to your parents, it's not your job to fix their relationship, also you need to know that you and your sister didn't do anything wrong, do never blame yourself for that! Sometimes kids tend to feel like they did something wrong and they need to fix their parents, but that's never the case. It's their relationship and only them need to fix it! If your sister is younger maybe you could talk to her and explain it to her?

As for your friend, you said you have difficult time sharing, if I understand correctly? I was the same. Always waiting for someone to ask me how I am, and even then I would just say something short. Now there's catch, people usually prefer to talk about themselves, so if you just say " I'm x,y,z" and you stop sharing, people would think that maybe you don't want to talk about it, or that you shared what you wanted to share. So, as my therapist tough me, and it can be counterintuitive, you just need to talk! Even when she doesn't ask you, just talk. And only if after you tryed to share more she still doesn't start to ask more questions, then maybe it's time to drop her as a friend. I hope you got what I'm trying to explain here, I'm very tired.

And regarding food, it's ok, you are stressed so it's normal not to have an appetite, but as long as you have at least something. I had moments when I didn't have food for days, except coffee. So, a sandwich and a fruit for breakfast is good! But be aware if you start to loose weight.

And just go one day at the time. It will get better, I promise!

Yeah, she's younger than me. I did try to talk to her, and it worked a bit, but its only been one day, so I don't really know how its going to go.

I do understand, thank you for explaining it.

OK, I will. Thank you very much, Vekava!
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