Vent about my bastard husband

Marriage Relationship

Vent about my bastard husband

Postby Lovejulea » Tue Apr 13, 2021 12:06 pm

Wherr do i start! We are married for 9 years and our relationship is getting worst. Our conversation only be about our son, nothing else. We fight about everything and anything. I tried to be nice and calm but he is such a bastard that he stir things up every time, so i talked like him and let him feel his own toxic. I am loosing the love for him and theres no more spark in between us cos i saw the ugliest, selfish and mean side of him. He gossip between his mum and brothers and sister all the time, that really turn me off. We fight in front of our son. I always asked him to stop and enough whenever in front of our son, but he just keep going and screaming at me on top of his lung, and ended we both scream at each other. I feel very sad for my son to see all these, i tried to be a better mum and person, but i just cannot stand him!
I stayed together for my beloved son and i know its not healthy, but i cannot bear to break my son heart. I have no one to talk to about how i feel. My plan is to divoice him when my son grow up.
Lovejulea
 
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Re: Vent about my bastard husband

Postby Bilqees » Wed Apr 14, 2021 8:04 am

Hello...sweety.
I am so sorry to hear all this.
Honestly with men knows....with them i have realised that they also have their emotions but do not know how to deal with it. Women are emotion beings. We multi task...thats our god given gift.
Men dont deal, they get frustrated and push you away...instead of being a grownup and facing it head on. If he cannot talk to you calmly away from your son then suggest you get help from a third party or get someone he respects and.listens to to talk to him....first go through those measures before.deciding from there. Yes your son is important amd you want what is best but you cannot stay in a unhealthy enviromemt where it affects him mentally....he will suffer in the long run. Here you are being forced to choose what is good not just for.you but your son aswell and your husband. Everything of the best hun....
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Re: Vent about my bastard husband

Postby Lovejulea » Mon Apr 19, 2021 12:33 am

Thanks for reading my post and replied Bilqees.
Yes,it took me a long time to figure out my husband is stress on even the smallest issues and then he take it out on me and blame me for it. For eg. Whenever we have guest over, he never help to organise and i do everything, till the last 15mins when people nearly arrived, he started to stress and picked on me of things i didn't do or not the way he wants it. Same goes to when we going somewhere. Weekend is the worst in my household. I think i am scared to be on my own with him now as we fight and scream so badly 😥😭
Lovejulea
 
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Re: Vent about my bastard husband

Postby Bilqees » Tue Apr 20, 2021 11:17 am

I get it believe me, i understand. I have been married for 15 years and to go through all kinds of growth with kids and husband. I understand why most people say their husband is like another child.
I felt the same, thinking if i should leave this man what will happen to and my kids...im not strong enough or i dont work.
But i feel everything will fall into place...
You have to talk instead of shouting and screaming. When he starts acting up you keep quiet let him vent and walk away...what i have learnt is when your angry and it escaltes no one wants to admit their wrong.
As a woman and mother just to avoid any ugly situation for my kids sake and my sanity.
Its hard hun but it has to come to a point where enough is enough and decision needs yo be made. If his not happy then he needs to comunicate...and men cannot always do that.
Whenever thing go crazy do not retaliate, keep calm in your heat count to ten, repeat a mantra or words of curouge....just try...
Let me know ...your in my thoughts amd prayers.
Bilqees
 
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Re: Vent about my bastard husband

Postby Hanni108 » Thu Apr 22, 2021 12:47 am

Staying in an awful relationship just because of your son is not good. Children aren't stupid, I'm sure he knows there's a big problem and is unhappy too. Especially if you always fight in front of him. Is staying in a bad situation with an aggressive father really better than raising him yourself...? If you stay only for him, eventually he will realise it and will feel guilty. Even worse, he learns from his father that this is the way men should treat women, and he will start disrespecting and screaming at you too when he is older. Especially if he is so stressed. The situation you grow in as a child really affects your adult life. Many people who grow up in a family where the parents are always screaming and yelling at each other end up having a hard time learning to cope with frustrating situations. My father's family was like that, he ran away from home at 16 and even then the rest of his life he's been struggling with narcissim and bad temper. He is really difficult to talk to even though he tries. Because that's what he grew up in, and it is hard to change...

I would go so far as to say, for your son's sake you should leave! Rather than staying. I can't see that raising him yourself is worse than being around an abusive and stressful father.

How old is he? Is this something you can discuss with him directly and see what his feelings are?
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Re: Vent about my bastard husband

Postby MixedCouple » Thu Apr 22, 2021 9:56 am

You said you can't break your sons heart yet you argue and scream infront if him. I think his heart is broken and he wants his Mum and Dad and him to be happy. So separating would change that. If you were hiding the issues yeah your son would be non the wiser but you literally do that infront of him. He is probably thinking "when are they both going to get a divorce".
Using your son as an excuse to stay is not valid. Your affecting him and his growth and what he will see he will do. He will treat women this way and he will grow up to find a woman like that and repeat the cycle.
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Re: Vent about my bastard husband

Postby Kamalama » Sun May 09, 2021 1:03 pm

Agree with the above 2 replies....your son probably feels so unsafe and bad...you're using him as an excuse to stay, why not make him the reason to go and give him a happier life free of seeing his dad abuse you.
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